Like really a 9th grader and not a comedian, then give the kid a book deal already! Actually, give whoever wrote it a book deal. It's the funniest thing I've read in a long time, and I just finished When You Are Engulfed in Flames, which is hilarious.
(h/t to Kate, of course. Why should I come up with my own stuff hers is so good?)
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What grade do you think this kid got on this assignment? When I was in high school, I don't think "Hilarious Brevity" was on the rubrics.
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