Lizard Writes

Psst, Over Here

2009-05-08T17:31:00.003-04:00

So, if you like this blog, you will probably love this one. Mostly because this is the one I'm going to be updating far far more frequently.

That one's about running, so you can still come back here for the occasional nonsensical rant that has nothing to do with my triathlon/marathon training. But if they taught me anything at BlogHer, it was pick a theme. And, duh, running is is.

See you over there.

Lead by Example

2009-04-23T22:04:00.001-04:00

Tonight for dinner I had a cupcake. Now I'm making a cake to take into work tomorrow. That's why I'm head of the wellness committee at work, folks!

Rugby Porn

2009-04-18T23:43:00.002-04:00

Via Cesybabe in a Jezebel comment, comes this amazing eye feast.

Now, I'm not that in to objectification...except when it comes to rugby guys. Because, and I say this from experience, they would do the same to you. Also, because, rugby guys are generally crazy smokin' hot.

The summer after college my roommates and I used to sit around reading rugby magazines in our underwear in our un-air-conditioned apartment (it was as hot as it sounds, literally and figuratively). And then one night we all went over to the soccer house, but I got sent home because it was decided that I couldn't handle the orgy that was about to take place. But that's a whole other blog.

Anyway, I got a kick out of it, and I thought my rugby-loving readers would too. Enjoy!

Rude

2009-04-16T15:09:00.001-04:00

30 page views but no comments, Skillet fans? Thanks for nothing.

See you guys on Friday!

My Mom Thinks I'm Cool

2009-04-13T17:38:00.000-04:00

Occasional reader Donna, from Pennsylvania, writes in via text message that she "tries" to read my blog because "it is like talking to you, but I don't miss anything when I laugh."

Live Blog; Wes on the Radio

2009-04-12T21:13:00.046-04:00

Wes and the Skillets on WRYR tonight. You can listen through the WRYR website. Rebroadcast Monday from 2-4.

9:02 Overlong intro

9:13 Andy (host) makes good point about going to see local artists as a way to save money during recession. It's cheap! Small bands are better than the radio!

9:15 The Beastie Boys are from DC? Still no Wes

9:18 Here they come!

9:19 Sad and Proud!

You must read this blog for my insightful commentary.

Wes sounds different on the radio. His vocals are a little out front, but that's how I like my music. Well, this is a little too prominent, but they still sound pretty good.

9:24 Blind Mind. Totally forgot I was doing this for a minute. Vocals mixed much better here. Is Arch doing sound?

9:27 Andy is asking them to play more than 5 songs because they sound so great. He says they'll thank him later. He's right. It sounds phenomenal.

9:28 Oh, calling them on the country stuff. Skillets is kind of a country name. Andy calls them "funktry" which is a pretty good categorization. He's definitely a fan!

9:29 Costa Mesa up next.

9:31 My siblings admit via Facebook chat that they are NOT listening. I have no siblings.

9:32 Not an excuse, Michael: I am in my common room and they are watching a video, I can't

9:33 Someone just cleared his throat. My guess is Arch. Is Bryan singing??

9:35 CD release show Friday, April 17 at IOTA!!!!

9:36 Oh Wes, no one falls asleep during Costa Mesa. People love it. I'm taking notes. I will compare this version of It Won't Be Long to the one on Tradition.

Fun fact: Wes took my tambourine, which I've had since I was like 10, to the station tonight. I can't wait to hear it.

9:37 Ooh, now the vocals are a little low, but not bad. Everything is a little muted. Could be my computer speakers. I'm going to hook up to the stereo. I'm a huge dork.

9:40 Full band is there (but I knew that). They're rocking acoustic tonight.

9:41 My cell phone is dead and Wes unplugged our landline, so I won't be able to call in. Alas, my blog remains in obscurity. Andy wants them to play at Galaxy Hut.

I don't think Wes planned a sixth song. Here's another from Tradition. Old School. (It's called Spoken Word)

9:42 Now I get why you might publish live blogs in reverse chronological order.

9:46 Guitar trade! Now he's talking about Wes's sweet Martin guitar. His is not new. (some people on the show recently had brand new Martins)

9:53 That wraps up the live portion. They ended with Casting Stones.

Friday at IOTA! Drink!

9:54 Echo and the Bunneymen. I think Kate likes them. Bummer for her. (Her computer sucks)

9:58 My ire for Amazon is distracting me from the blog. Oh! They're talking about their shoes! Wes loves shoes. You read it here first. Let's see...my guess is that Arch is in the Merrils and Wes is in the boots. Bryan in Saucony? I don't remember the other shoes. Sorry, Dave.

9:59 Yeah, Wes is kinda gonna love this live set. He may not love this blog.

10:00 Andy regularly calls them the Wes Skillet and the Tuckers, which is a good name for a band.

10:02 Arch is kind of bad ass, you're right, Andy.

10:05 Recorded tracks start. Wow, good crescendo at the beginning of What You Stole. And hearing this now I'd say the live mix was almost as good as this. I think they really did capture some of their live magic in this record. But they're still better live. Come to IOTA! Drink!

10:09 The Skillets kind of cover the Allman Brothers in Casting Stones. I know nothing about the Allman Brothers, so I had to have someone point this out to me. But now Andy is talking about how the Rolling Stones and U2 "rip off" bits of other songs all the time. In a nice way.

10:12 Skillets will now all list their influences. Bryan is last, which means everyone else will take his. That's what always happens to me. Haha, that's the second time today that Wes has been asked about his southern accent. Do you think he should take a class?

Wes's influences: Allman Brothers, Ben Harper, Jack Johnson, Marley, Hendrix
Arch: He doesn't know. He can't remember, but says recently Ben Harper and stuff "with that sort of groove" soulfulness and diversity, good adjectives for the Skillets
Andy's about to compare them to someone questionable...Jason Mraz. Wes likes him, he'll probably take it. That wouldn't make no sense, Andy says. Unlike the Vivian Girls with M. Ward, I say.

Liz Phair opened for Jason Mraz? The music business is sexist!

Liz Phair is sexy? C'mon, Andy. The music business is sexist!

Wes saw Jason Mraz for his 30th birthay.

Dave: the Police

I have wasted my weekend. THat's a side note. No offense to the Skillets

Bryan: Tells Dave there's a new Doves CD. How did I hear of them? From those guys? Medeski Marti and Wood, Master Sounds, Jeffrey Foucault, Kaki King, Leo Kottke (I knew he would say Kaki King), Soulive

I hate jam bands. Sorry, it's my love of structure. Structure! Play a song! (If you write a jam-bandesque essay I'll call you on it too.) Does that even make any sense? This is even more self indulgent than a regular blog.

10:21 Friday at IOTA! Drink!

10:22 Song #2 Let It Ride. Just let the CD play. It's kind of awesome to hear this on the real radio. I have chills (yes, I'm pumping my computer's audio out of my stereo speakers)

10:25 DIY, not DYI. Oh Arch, you're not the only control freak.

10:26 The cover art work is gorgeous. Jackie Jouvenal is awesome.

10:28 Andy is saying really nice things about the band--how professional their stuff is, and how the owner of the Black Cat still likes to see that.

Oh, Umbro, yes of course Bryan is wearing that.

Oops, I fed Wes some bad info. He just said Obama is throwing out the first pitch, but apparently not anymore. Also screw Chicago, Obama. You don't live there anymore.

10:32 I'm not paying that much attention now. I googled my friend's boyfriend's articles. He works for a big deal newspaper.

10:34 The Scorpion and the Dove

So, I feel like you could use this blog if you started listening to the rebroadcast and/or a recording on the hour. Then you could just read along or fast forward to my witty repartee using the minutes. I guess that would also work with some sort of timer/clock. You know what I mean.

10:37 I really can't tell the difference between this version and a live version. By which I mean, I usually like the live version better. In other words this sounds great! And so did their live stuff earlier.

10:38 Andy wants to hear Costa Mesa with all its bells and whistles (aka harmonicas and fun guitar tricks)

10:43 Andy is trying to rank his favorite songs. Costa Mesa is up there, I told you.

Someone called in! Friday at IOTA! Drink!

Good advice: You should never make fun of zombies.

10:45 They managed to dig up a copy of Tradition (I have a few handy). Here's the recorded version of It Won't Be Long.

Replay tomorrow at 2! wryr.org

10:47 It won't be long...until the music starts. It Won't Be Long

Ok, my dad is right. Arch does make the band sound totally different. But I have fierce personal attachment to Tradition: Wes gave me a copy when we were courting.

I used courting in a sentence!

I just looked at this blog on my page. It's out of control. Must learn to insert jumps right now.

10:52 Plugging Jackie's art: jackieart.com! Check it out. Dave, Jackie is not whack.

I could totally do a radio show. You just bring everything back to yourself. Know who's good at that? Me!

westucker.com, not wesskillet! Wes, go buy that domain RIGHT NOW!

You can find local music listings in the City Paper, as I told the sound man for Flight of the Conchords today.

10:56 First concert they paid money to see? Bryan: either Allman Brothers or Better than Ezra
Dave: Lollapalooza with his college-aged brother and his hot lady friends Dave is cool!
Arch: Tom Petty
Wes: Charlotte radio station Weenie Roast, but he has seen WuTang with Rage Against the Machine (when he was 17 so he says it still counts)
Andy saw Johnny Cash and Iron Maiden
My first concert that I paid for with my own money was Sugar Ray and Orgy. Womp wahhhhh

10:59 Last song, the aptly named Good to Go
Scorpion and the Dove

11:01 Tomorrow I will learn how to put in a page jump. My brain isn't reading too well right now. Plus I have to be in Silver Spring at 8 tomorrow :(

11:06 Overlong outro coming up?

11:07 Thanks for having them!
Friday at IOTA! Drink!

Amazon Fail

2009-04-12T20:17:00.004-04:00

Whoa, Amazon. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is absolutely not ok. Hortense from Jezebel is all over it. I'm not sure what's going on or how it's going to pan out, but it looks like I'll be using bn.com/aauw from now on. Updates here.

An Easter Ode to Catholic Guilt and the Washington Post

2009-04-12T19:16:00.003-04:00

As you all know, I kind of love the Washington Post. But I kind of hate its ridiculously short billing periods/generally confusing payment structure. For example, my online account currently says that my account is paid through 11/28/2008, thanks to the payment that I made on 3/19/2009. And that I have a past-due amount of $20.03, and if I pay that, my subscription will be extended until 9/21/2009. Really? Only 20 bucks to have the paper from April to September? What a steal! But where did the payment I JUST MADE go?

The only reason I subscribe to the stupid print version is because I feel guilty about the impending death of print media. I'm a writer, so I feel the need to do the best I can to slow print's demise. Even though I usually end up recycling my paper and reading it online anyway. And even though I absolutely hate the feel of newsprint and the marks it leaves on my fingers (my skin crawls thinking about it).

Of course I also subscribe because you have to call a person to cancel, and my guilt prevents me from doing that. So I tried to just stop paying, but as you can see, that's not really working out for me.

Oh, and I had this journalism teacher who used to make us read the Post everyday, but he would always complain about what a shit paper it was. But that was before Date Lab.

The Internet Is Old

2009-04-07T22:43:00.004-04:00

I came home tonight to find an email with the following subject line waiting for me in my hotmail: Hotmail Team says "thank you" for being with us for 10+ years.

Some of you probably have a similar email in your long-dormant hotmail accounts, but I found this email because I still check my apparently 10-year-old hotmail account every day. Several times a day. Yes, that's right. I still use the email address that I signed up for when I was 16.

"That's Right!" Hotmail enthusiastically tells me at the top of their firework-bedecked e-card. "You came to the internet too late to get a decent email address and too early for people to reject the idea of 'screen names' and use their email for professional purposes. And you continue to cling to that screenname--which wasn't even based on a real nickname--out of a combination of nostalgia and inertia, despite the fact that our service really blew until about 6 months ago. And for that we thank you."

And actually, hotmail is right. Lizard was never my nickname. Lizbo was. But thankfully I had the presence of mind to realize that "Lizbo" might not be the best internet handle. I would feel silly putting tha tat the top of my resumes. And what kind of blog name is Lizbo Writes?

Swimming = Hard

2009-04-06T20:41:00.002-04:00

Holy fucking shit. Swimming is not easy. I went today for the first time in years to start my triathlon training (I do the other sports almost every day). I tried to join a master's swim club today, and I got back a snooty email from their membership guy telling not to come out (and wanting to know if I could do a flip turn despite the fact that his website explicitly states that you do not have to know how to do a flip turn). At first I was indignant and pissed off, but now I have to admit that Marco was right.

I swam 100 meters in like 4 and a half minutes, and then I almost died. I wasn't wearing a heart rate monitor, but I would estimate that my heart was beating at roughly 300 beats per minute. I swam a grand total of about 300 meters.

The Alexandria Police Want You to Telecommute

2009-04-02T10:49:00.005-04:00

I clicked on this article in the Washington Post about the arrest of a boyfriend-girlfriend pair of home invaders in Alexandria for a few reasons. 1) To make sure Wes and I hadn't been arrested yesterday (I did have two glasses of wine at pub quiz) and 2) to see where exactly in Alexandria people were being robbed.

And although the article is about how the pair was caught, I'm left feeling more worried than I was before I started reading. The story is about how this boyfriend (26) and girlfriend (19, yes, I'm making an editorial comment here) would go to people's houses during the work day and knock on the door and when no one answered (because we all have to work to afford to live in Alexandria), the couple would break in.

Now, they were caught when they broke in to a house where someone was home before the resident had a chance to open the door. She called 911 when she heard her window breaking, and the police arrived in time to apprehend the fleeing suspect. That's the good news.

The bad news is the take-away lesson:

[Sgt. Fard, head of the property crimes division,] said residents can protect themselves by being aware of their surroundings and not opening the door of their home unless they are expecting somebody. Otherwise, if someone is knocking, he advised residents to talk through the door to find out what the person wants.

"If something seems suspicious, call police," he said.

Really, Sargeant? I'm pretty aware of my current surroundings and nothing seems suspicious because I am at work. How can I possibly know if someone is breaking into my house right now when I am not there. Wasn't that their whole plan? And wasn't it foiled when someone did try to open the door?

My tax dollars at work.

Repeat, Bitches

2009-04-01T17:16:00.002-04:00

Trivia tonight at Solly's to benefit my old rugby team. Now, not to say anything bad about rugby players, but I'm pretty sure I have an advantage as someone who no longer spends her weekends smashing her head into other people.

Okey Doke!

(Katie is an international pub quiz champion. I feel like I should mention that.)

Making the Right Call

2009-03-29T21:02:00.001-04:00

Is it too harsh to say I’d like to do my entire career as a rugby referee again?

I became a ref for a lot of reasons: I loved rugby but wasn’t very good at it, I’m really good at following rules, and the best referees have been known to get free trips to Fiji and other glamorous locales where rugby rules.

My first game, officiating over two teams of high school girls brand new to the sport was brilliant. They loved me, I loved them, and all the other refs at the tournament patted me on the back and welcomed me to their world. I felt the sun smiling down on me as I shook the girls’ hands after the game, congratulating them and telling them they did a fine job. One girl stayed late to talk to me about reffing and my playing career, and I applauded myself for being such an outstanding role model. It was a few hours before I realized that I’d spent the entire game calling her team by the wrong name.

Of course, high school girls aren’t the only ones who play rugby. Most players are men, the big burly ones of stereotypes, many of whom have been playing at least since I was a high school girl.

Once I got into a fight with one player over some of my calls, calls I proudly stood behind until the end of the game, when I didn’t call a minor infraction just to get back at him. The teams that day were criminally unmatched: PAC a national powerhouse, and Rocky Gorge a bunch of past-their-prime enthusiasts whose website proclaimed “Win or lose, we still booze.” I can still see the ball falling from the hands of the PAC player and landing on the ground in front of him. I can still feel the eyes of everyone on the field as they turned to see what I would do. I did nothing. I let them score the try, despite the infraction, then I whistled to end the game and beat a hasty retreat.

It was a long time after that before I returned to reffing, but as a favor, I volunteered to ref a men’s college game. At least college men were, for the most part, younger than me. At the beginning of the game, a senior ref asked the captains how it felt to have the prettiest ref in the union officiating their game. The two boys looked at me, then back at the ref, confused.

It only got worse. I awarded an undeserved try, then, just in case anyone on the pitch was still on my side, I called it back. When the game was over, a player who had been three years behind me in college came over to pat me on the head and tell me to stick with it.

I never reffed again. And if I ever get to Fiji, I’m pretty sure I’ll be paying my own way.

Who's a Big Winner?

2009-03-26T22:31:00.003-04:00

The Bohinkas are. Tonight Katie, Gimmy and I repped the gang at Global Justice trivia. And we WON, bitches. With a little help from the table next to us, we won the tie breaker to win round 2. We got a $25 gift certificate to ACKC, which was probably the best prize of the three gift certificates.

I Entered an Essay Contest

2009-03-24T18:44:00.003-04:00

For a blog called Lizard Writes, you were probably wondering where all the writing is. Other than on this page, of course. And the answer, for a long time, has been there isn't any! Until now.

A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon the Bethesda Literary Festival website. Usually I find things like this the Monday after they happen, but this time, I had more than a month before the festival! (I did, however, miss the Bethesda Dance Festival that was held that weekend. Can't win 'em all.)

Anyway, the contest was to write 500 words on one thing in your life you'd change if you had the chance to do it again. I wrote about my illustrious career as a rugby referee. Obviously, it's not the most deep essay topic, but it really is an experience that I have a lot of regrets about. And I don't think I would go back and like, tell my grandmother I loved her one last time, because it would be too sad to relive that again unless I could Quantum Leap in and out, and that wasn't specified in the rules. Plus, I tried to make the essay kind of funny, and humor is my strong suit. Obviously.

So if you would like to read the essay, leave a comment and I'll post it. Katie's already read it, so if you don't tell me you want it, I'll figure you weren't going to read it anyway. Also I need to prove I have friends and things like that.

Come on, people, don't make me write an essay about how I regret telling you I wrote an essay!

Is It Weird

2009-03-24T10:45:00.003-04:00

That I want to go to this? Writing and Yoga

(Usually when you have to ask yourself that question, the answer is yes.)

Whatever, bitches, it's my birthday.*

*May 12 is not my birthday, but it is part of my weeklong birthday celebration, which will culminate with the 2nd Annual Abingdon Drive Ice Cream Social. Mark your calendars.

I'll Never Be Happy Again

2009-03-19T21:59:00.002-04:00

We were thisclose to being Cinderellas. I keep waiting for someone to jump up and say, "But you see, I have the other slipper."

But I'm afraid that the Cinderella metaphor doesn't match up perfectly with basketball after all.

If This Is Real ...

2009-03-18T21:55:00.004-04:00

Like really a 9th grader and not a comedian, then give the kid a book deal already! Actually, give whoever wrote it a book deal. It's the funniest thing I've read in a long time, and I just finished When You Are Engulfed in Flames, which is hilarious.

(h/t to Kate, of course. Why should I come up with my own stuff hers is so good?)

Cookies! Finally!

2009-03-14T22:39:00.003-04:00

So, if you've had as hard a time as I have this year finding Girl Scout Cookies, DCist comes to our rescue! Check out the cookie locator. You can thank me later. With Thin Mints.

Who's Dancing Now?

2009-03-14T19:21:00.004-04:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming of smugness and self-congratulation to bring you some exciting news. AU is in the NCAA tournament!! For only the second time in the school's history! We beat those rat bastards from Holy Cross--something we could never do when I was a student--to get there. And we (I share fully in this victory) shot 71% from the field in the second half. How's your alma mater doing? (Smugness on!)

In other, significanly less great, alumni news, see Kate's post on the bleak future of the QHS band. Let me use a simile related to AU's awesomeness to explain how stupid it would be to cut music at Quakertown. The band at Quakertown shoots about 80% from the field at all times. They are incredible. And about 10% of the student body participates in band. The football team on the other hand, and let me put this delicately, blows. It shoots about 30% from the field at all times like a certain Jesuit university with an inappropriately named sports team. (Turns out, despite what I learned in Catholic school, the Crusades were decidedly not awesome, Crusaders!)

And the football team, unlike band, is only open to members of the male persuasion. And, if Varsity Blues has taught me anything, it's that football will corrupt the hell out of you. When's the last time you heard about marching band hooligans gang raping their fellow students to impress new recruits?

I don't hate football, and I don't advocate cutting it. But if you're looking to save money, I'd think that you should at least think about cutting programs in the order of whose participants have, as students, fathered the most children. And not the most successful program in the history of your school, aside from girls' cross country.

Under a Luna Moon

2009-03-10T10:12:00.004-04:00

Kate nails Lunafest with her review. But she fails to point out (though I guess it should be obvious from the context) that everyone there was a yuppy mom. Who else would do something called stroller strides? And for the record, I will be an awesome yuppy mom. I'm already obsessed with sports AND reading. Two things that all hyper perfect children have to participate in. I also enjoy the occasional beauty pageant...*

*No I don't.

Luna Moons

You're Not the Boss of Me

2009-03-08T18:27:00.003-04:00

So the other day I was taking some Facebook quizzes (I should live in Paris), and I came across one called "What Kind of Wife Are You?" Despite the fact that I am not a wife, I do think that I would be pretty kick-ass at it, and not in a scary desperate-to-get-married-and-make-babies kind of way, but in a stuck up, condescending, over-it-all kind of way. Like I could be a wife if I wanted to be, but I'm not, but I'm still good at it.

And of course, my suspicions were confirmed. According to some Facebook app, I'm totally a good wife.

But this isn't just another blog about how great I am. There are plenty of those already. This one is about my favorite favorite question on the quiz.

It said something like your husband comes home and tells you to quit your job. Your response is.

Now, before I tell you what I said, I have to qualify my response by saying that most of the answer choices were a little absurd and some kind of mean. One was that you'd tell your husband that there was no way you could afford to quit your job on his "puny" paycheck. But my response was "laugh in his face," mostly because the idea that Wes or anyone would say that to me is facially absurd. I'm not saying I'd never quit my job because my nonexistent husband asked me too for a really important reason. But if he told me to, well, either he'd be kidding, or we'd soon be going through a real divorce.

Mmmm Mmmmm, Good!

2009-03-08T17:49:00.002-04:00

Last night for dinner I ate popcorn, french fries, and a cupcake. Afterward I felt greasy and queasy. I'm a grown up!

I'm counting this as the fourth installment of things that kinda make be barf, because they literally did. Also, I can't believe that I have a cupcakes tag.

Tina Fey gets me.

I'm an Idiot and Other Thoughts on Running

2009-02-28T14:25:00.003-05:00

So after recovering from the awesome flu of death, which sidelined me for 9 days (!), I started running again on Wednesday. Immediately after my little 4-mile jaunt downtown with Katie, she and I went to an inversion workshop at Lululemon. I can now totally do a headstand and a handstand, and yes, I would love to show you.

But then I went for my usual Thursday morning run and my hip HURT. Now, I've been having left hip/glute/hamstring problems for some time now--since about September of 2007. I've briefly seen a massage therapist and chiropractor about it, but mostly I just kept running and complaining. Hip pain that started at mile 9 played a big part in my MCM meltdown. But this is bad. I'm not sure what set it off--I don't remember falling on it when doing inversions, though I do tend to fall left. And for the record I do remember falling and hitting my back (twice, once on the door knob at home) and hitting my head once really hard. But my hip?

I thought I figured out the cause of the pain several times. I've certainly temporarily improved it, but now, after a year and a half, I've reached the point where all running hurts. And I just took 9 days off. Ibuprofen worked until it didn't (ahem, marathon day), weight lifting is making me jacked, but not in the right places, yoga has loosened me up, and all this has made me faster to the tune of a sub-47 minute 10k, but my legs still hurt. So I'm going to go to the doctor.

Of course I don't want any anti-inflammatories (very bad for your stomach) and God forbid a cortisone shot, and I'm not a huge fan of the natural remedy of not running, but maybe something can be done. Because I cannot crack 3:40 with this kind of pain, and if I don't do something now I'm not going to be able to run a marathon at all. Eight miles was torture this morning, and I'm supposed to do 14 tomorrow, but I highly doubt that will happen.

In other better running news, Jezebel had a post up about women marathoners, which led to some awesome discussion in the comments and a neato facebook group for Jezebel-reading marathoners. And at the risk of sounding like the creeper I am, Jezebel-reading marathoners are probably all my soul mates. So anyway, one of them writes a great new blog on running. Check it out.

I'm Aware

2009-02-23T20:53:00.002-05:00

I'm getting over the nastiest flu I've ever had in my life. It was really awful. I haven't been sick in years, and I've never been sick for as long as I was. I missed an entire week of work. All I did was sit on the couch. I couldn't even eat. I can't wait to see how much weight I lost! I think it's at least five pounds! If I had to be sick, at least there's a silver lining.

Also it's eating disorder awareness week.

One of These Things...

2009-02-14T15:46:00.004-05:00

Is definitely not like the other
Fuck you, Amazon. I'm still in my child-bearing prime. Is it only women trying to have children who need a small, convenient way to carry books with them at all times? Or who have chosen children over designer handbags? I personally lack an interest in either.

Valentine's Day Really Makes Me Barf

2009-02-13T17:23:00.005-05:00

Apparently, only the third in a series of things that make me throw up in my mouth a little bit (I swear there are more than three, I'll get on it)--the mother of them all, Valentine's Day.

Now, believe it or not, my intense dislike of Valentine's Day has nothing to do with weddings--I hated Valentine's Day even back when I used to admire wedding magazines at the checkout. But I guess my dislike stems from similar factors, like consumerism and fakey-fakeness.

Here are just some of the reasons I actually puke on Feb. 14. Actually, no lie, once I fainted on Valentine's Day. That one wasn't so bad.

First, it's a totally made up holiday. From what I understand as a good Catholic girl (meaning I do believe most of the stories of the saints), no one's really sure that St. Valentine even existed.

Second, roses shouldn't cost $80 a dozen. I don't even really like red roses. When I tried to break up with my high school boyfriend he sent me a dozen red roses (which only cost like $30, fyi) so now they just strike me as kind of desperate and clingy and sore-losery.

Third, I hate contests that are set up so that you can't win, and I feel like Valentine's Day is really one of them. You love me? Prove it. No, really, prove it. I need $80 roses and an overpriced dinner and probably a gift and if you forget to do either then that means that you don't love me.

Fourth, that reminds me. My high school boyfriend used to make me exchange real gifts at Valentine's day. Like one year he bought me a phone and I bought him a razor. But one year he gave me a gold-dipped rose. I'm not kidding.

Fifth, you should show your love for your partner everyday, or at least on Fridays, not just one day a year.

Sixth, my very first boyfriend dumped me three days before Valentine's Day so that he could give a rose to my friend. Ouch. Actually, that turned out to be an ok Valentine's Day, but it's the principle.

Seventh, last year, Wes, Katie and I tried to get some Indian food in France, but they were only serving a prix-fixe menu for like 45 euros or something and there was no vegetarian option, but we didn't know that until we'd already sat down and got an aperitif, so we felt like we couldn't leave. And all the couples got a rose, but I didn't. And I suspect that someone else got my engagement ring in their shrimp masala. What other explanation could there be?

Eighth, when Wes buys me Godiva chocolates for Valentine's Day, he expects me to share them with him! But he waits until I've already eaten the merely delicious ones and asks for the super delicious ones and then makes fun of me when I don't want to give them to him.

But there are some good things about Valentine's Day. One, it's really close to Wes's birthday, so we get to celebrate that. Two, my dad always sends me candy. This year it's a box of Mrs. Fields chocolates, and that will get its own blog post. And three, Wes gives me Spanish cards that he has translated hilariously and he doesn't peer pressure me into giving him grooming tools or accepting ugly tchotchkes.

The Post: Agent of Conservative Propaganda

2009-02-10T17:48:00.003-05:00

I wanted to hate this weird article on marriage, but it kind of made me laugh.

But then I wanted to make a joke about Bush's stupid marriage initiatives, but that just led me to this disappointing page. Obviously I haven't yet gotten that far in The Audacity of Hope. I already have a more lasting bond with my partner; it's called a 30-year, fixed-rate mortgage, and it means that we can't break up without transferring big bucks amongst ourselves and possibly out to some lawyers. And isn't that what marriage is all about?

So, Marathons

2009-01-31T20:13:00.004-05:00

I just registered for the San Diego Marathon. It's on May 31, so training officially starts tomorrow, which means that I will no longer be able to talk myself into missing Friday morning tempo runs. (Though in the winter, it's always cold, so it doesn't matter if you run at night or in the morning, unlike in the summer when I had to run in the a.m. So maybe I can keep skipping...)

Anyway, yay, marathons. I'd like to PR for this one, but I have to let the Boston obsession rest. Of course that's just a ploy to trick myself into actually running a BQ. I'm definitely excited for the trip and for losing my holiday weight, so that's some motivation. And I think I finally figured out why my hips hurt so badly--they never move laterally anymore. So I'm going to work on that and get more massages this time around and everything will be great.

The only bummer about this race is that it's a Rock 'n' Roll race, and they've given me cotton t-shirts at the last two I've done despite their $$$ entry fees. I'm pretty sure this one has a technical tee, otherwise I wouldn't have done it.

Here is my tentative 2009-10 marathon schedule.
May 2009 - San Diego
November 2009 - New York or Philadelphia
May 2010 - Ottawa

I love Ottawa. Kate and I were supposed to run a marathon there after I did my first one, but that didn't pan out. I think because she decided to move to France or something like that. I really debated between Ottawa and San Diego this year, but my friend is moving to SD, so I went with the free place to stay.

Kickin' It Homeless Style

2009-01-30T23:15:00.002-05:00

I'm just spending my Friday night at the homeless shelter where I volunteer (and you should, too). I just met the newish staff person and, sorry Kate, she's now my favorite staff member*. I saw that she was looking at Ravelry, the online knitting mecca I'm just learning about, so I told her that I could crochet and was teaching myself to knit. Well it turns out she's an extremely avid sock knitter, so she showed me a bunch of stuff that she's done and all kinds of knitting resources that I had no idea existed. It's really amazing to me what an art form knitting really is and that there's SO MUCH out there. I haven't even hit the tip of the ice berg.

She also gave me the rest of her Arizona Tea Arnold Palmer Lite, which is a little sweet for me. Although I was raised on iced tea instead of milk, I guess it's possible to lose your taste for it after two years of only drinking unsweetened tea. A very sad day.

Anyway, in the spirit of link love and giving props where props are due for cool socks, here is Chele's blog (that's how she identifies herself on her blog). Check out the entrelac socks. I might have to try a pair of those after I do my first pair, of course.

*Though Katie did feed me crepes and mulled wine tonight, so she retains her status as my favorite sister. But she definitely did not text me back with the password to the shelter's computer. Good thing I remembered it.

Give Me My Money Back, You Bitch

2009-01-27T22:36:00.003-05:00

So, I'm finally getting around to watching the Ben Folds Five MySpace Reunion Show. (And by watching, I mean listening to as I type this--it's a concert, what's there to watch? Prove me wrong, Ben, prove me wrong!)

Anyway, when I found out about this the day before it happened I cried because I had to miss it. And I am enjoying this show immensely through the magic of MySpace. And I just bought tickets to see Ben Folds at GW in a few weeks.

But I don't really like Ben Folds anymore. There, I said it. I don't have his new CD, and I don't want it. And if you know me, you know how crazy this is.

There was a time in my life when I loved Ben Folds. I mean, weirdly loved him and his band. I could blog for days on how much I loved Ben Folds Five, but I'll sum it up here by saying that I once dated a guy solely because he appreciated Ben as much as I did. And at one point I knew every word to every song in Ben's catalog--both released and unreleased. And I once stalked Ben down four blocks in NYC to meet him. And I name my blog posts after their songs.

I have actually met all three members of Ben Folds Five, albeit at distinct times. Darren held the door for me at Iota and I still talk about it.

But seriously, check it out. It's hard to get excited for this shit.

Darren Jessee, on the other hand, is not only a gentleman, but also still a genius. He continues to make incredible music, and if you're not already listening to Hotel Lights, you should be. He's actually playing in Philly on Feb. 13, which is the night I'm going to see Ben (and Rufus Wainwright is playing in Philly on Feb. 14--I've made a terrible mistake!) .

BUT, Hotel Lights is also playing next Tuesday in Baltimore. Kate? Good thing I saw this before I set my car on fire.

Weight Ain't Nothin' But a Number

2009-01-26T16:46:00.001-05:00

I ate a lot of chocolate today. I can't really quantify the amount. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that I will never, ever, buy a 17.8 oz bar of chocolate (with almonds!) again.

I Hate Having a Car

2009-01-26T13:23:00.003-05:00

I hate having a car for a number of reasons.

1. The DMV. I know it's a cliche, but in my experience the agency isn't really going out of its way to refute its reputation. When I moved to VA I spent 2 hours standing at a window while the most meticulous employee in the history of employment entered my information letter by letter, repeating each one back to herself (I have a really long name and a really long address) and still managed to mess it up twice. The kid who had two $500 fines for driving without a license and without insurance left before me. I'm not kidding.

And in DC they once froze my account because my tag reminder (not even the tags themselves!) had been returned due to an incorrect address. Except my tags weren't returned. Miko Benton, who fraudulently used my address the entire time we lived there, had her tags returned. "Why would you mail me a renewal reminder in February if my tags expire in January?" I asked the woman at the DMV. "I don't know," she said, "but you have to prove your address before we can give you a duplicate title." And by duplicate title she meant the title that I had to pay $28 for despite the fact that the city never mailed me an original title.!

2. My trunk doesn't work. And why did I need a title? Because some asshole ran into my car while it was parked outside my house and totaled it. I still drive the car though, but the trunk does not work and it looks like shit.

3. $$$ My car has 166,000 miles on it, which is pretty impressive for a Chevy. I pay about $30 a month in car insurance, but I only put about 5,000 miles on it a year. So I really hate to put any money into it, because it's going to die sooner rather than later, and it's already been totaled so I've been paid for it. But now it needs to be inspected and one of the turn signals is out, but Chevy made it damn near impossible for a mortal to change the bulb in their daytime running lights. Now, I appreciate the fact that my light lasted for 12 years, but seriously, I wouldn't mind changing it myself. It's not too much to ask.

4. I'm pretty sure I have an oil leak.

5. And getting your oil changed anywhere but at Jiffy Lube is a huge pain in the ass. I hate Jiffy Lube. I know they're marking their services way up. And guess what, no, I don't want you to fix my turn signal or my oil leak. I'm going to let the guys at Old Town Liberty do that. Then they'll have to let me pass inspection.

6. I live in a place where I don't really need to own a car. Does it take longer to take the metro everywhere? Yes. But can I look smugly down at those people who insist on polluting the environment because it's more convenient if I take the metro everywhere? Yes.
I lived in a warmer climate I would get around exclusively on bicycle and public transportation. As it is I am seriously considering taking my oil leak money and buying a fucking bike-riding parka and then setting my car on fire.

It's Alive!

2009-01-14T20:06:00.002-05:00

My cell phone survived! I can't believe it, but it's true. Is it wrong that I didn't want to tell anyone that it was ok because I liked being unreachable?

Looks like I'll never have an enV2. On the plus side, I totally wiped out on my bike the other day and broke my pedal, so I at least have to (definitely) buy one of those, if not a pair of cycling shoes.

RIP My Cell Phone

2009-01-08T19:05:00.003-05:00

This* morning, as I was packing my work clothes up, I noticed that my chosen shirt was a little wrinkly. "Well," I said to myself, "Self, now would be the perfect time to bust out that new steamer that Wes's parents gave me for Christmas."**

So I pulled out the steamer, filled it with water, entertained thoughts of plugging it in in the kitchen, but instead went over to my usual ironing spot on the kitchen table and plugged it in there. While I waited for it to heat up, I went and started drying my hair. I came back a few minutes later to see my little kettle-like steamer spitting out a long, vigorous trail of steam. So I picked it up and steamed my shirt to good effect and put the thing down back on the table and turned it off. Then I went back to drying my hair.

When I came back to the kitchen to get ready to leave, I heard this weird, crackling sound, which sounded like static or like my cell phone slowly drowning itself and all its circuits. I had put the steamer down next to my phone, and while I realized the thing was putting out steam, I had no idea just how wet that steam was. Pretty much everything that was on my table was soaked, including my bike-riding winter hat, the fiction issue of the New Yorker, and the Pottery Barn Kids catalog. Now I'll never know what furniture is in season for privileged 4-year-olds!

Anyway, I cursed and grabbed the phone and ran into the bedroom where I tried to dry the still-crackling phone on the still-sleeping Wes. "I steamed my phone!" I yelled. "What?" he said. "I steamed my phone! Shit! I can't get the battery out!"

I rubbed the thing against the blanket a few more times before I could get the battery door off, but I'm pretty sure the damage is done. I actually dropped that phone in the toilet once and managed to save it, but it definitely wasn't making that frying noise that time.

So, Verizon got me. I'll re-up for another two years. At least the LG enV2 is on sale. But the real tragedy is that I just learned how to use predictive text, which I think is the most fun ever. Will anyone judge me if I still use that, despite the fact that my new phone will have a full Qwerty keyboard? Let's just say no.

Also, as I was trying to put away the steamer, I managed to spill some more water, but this time it landed on my umbrella. Liz 1, Steamer 1. But then it pinched my finger. Liz 1, Steamer 2. Those things are no joke.

*I worked really hard not to make this word "so".
**Remind me to write another blog about how at Christmas everyone seems to think I'm a housewife/someone who would use a steamer/quesadilla maker/stand mixer.

2009: In Which I Make No Excuses but Tell Plenty of Lies

2009-01-03T16:48:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year! Lizard Writes returns from an extended holiday vacation with some updates.

Ok, A number 1, Wes and I made a sweet, sweet Christmas video blog (vlog, if you will). And I can't figure out how to post it. I know, you have no reason to believe me, and I didn't think to like, hold up the newspaper in it or anything to prove that I made it last week, but it definitely exists. If you come to my house, you can watch it. It does have our Christmas tree in the background, for what that's worth.

At some point I will figure out how to convert it into an uploadable format. So look for it in June or something (no excuses!).

Second, this article. Duh. It's no secret that I <3 style="font-style: italic;">Washington Post Magazine, and want Tom Shroder's job, but I don't usually read the "Editor's Note." Today I did, and all I have to say is that I would like the last 3 minutes of my life back. Or is that not how to be funny? I'm not saying anything that anyone who read that essay would find too surprising.

(I like Dave Barry, but he doesn't often make me laugh out loud. Writing humor is hit or miss (see, e.g., this blog). I wouldn't explain my reaction to it the way Shroder does, though.)

Third, I like this song. It's playing on Shuffle Songs now. Thanks, NPR!

Things I'm Not Buying

2008-12-10T19:43:00.008-05:00

So, I start all my blogs with "so." Just kidding. I mean, I do, but that's not what this is about. (Seriously, scroll down. It's a little embarrassing.)

Anyway, I've been clipping coupons lately (not using coupons, just clipping them, putting them in an envelope, forgetting them when I go to the store, then going through them every few weeks to throw out the expired ones).

And I was inspired to start a possible series called Things I'm Not Buying. Because the vast majority of coupons are for things I would never ever want or need, and I think they're funny.

To wit:

This is an ad for pre-cooked bacon. Despite it's "Best Taste" seal, I'm not convinced. If I even ate bacon, I would probably prefer to cook it the old-fashioned way. Though I guess you could make an argument that this would save time (approximately 1 minute) or keep some grease from the water supply, is that really worth losing the smell of frying bacon? I'm also not in favor of making saturated fat easier to add to your meals.

These are Native American Chief stamps. Like, hey guys, you were right. Sorry about the genocide, but part of being the greatest country in the world is admitting when you've been wrong. So, here are your faces on some stamps. Not just any stamps, free collectible ones. We will exploit no more forever. (JK)

I swear this appeared in the same coupon bunch as the stamps. Have they no sense of irony? What to get the man in your life who loves outdated, insensitive racial slurs as much as he loves home-team football and tasteful jewelry. Look no further. You can't see this, but it's only $117. Those are real diamonds, y'all. Oh, and 23 karat gold.

But of course, there are always a few things I am buying.

M&Ms premiums are crazy delicious. Think M&Ms can't get any more delicious. So did I. But think again, my friend. Think again.

Look at Me, Gettin' Recognized

2008-12-09T21:36:00.003-05:00

So, it turns out the blog I think no one could possibly care about ends up generating not one but TWO comments from people I don't know. (So cheers to Amanda and Tony and their delightful blogs.)

Anyway, that reminded me that I wanted to post about the fact that at the beginning of November I had not one but two surprise readers tell me they liked my blog. It's probably the most terrifying thing someone can say to me. Wait, no, the most terrifying thing someone can say to me is (if that person is an acquaintaince, I mean) "So I read your blog."

Now I know that if said person didn't like my blog, she probably wouldn't say anything, would just keep it to herself as her respect for me slowly wilted and died. Eventually she'd start avoiding eye contact and all our interactions would be awkward--like many of my interactions really, so maybe I wouldn't even notice.

But there's still those few seconds of pure terror and nervous laughter while I wait for that person to pass judgment on my writing and my sense of humor. And even if she says something good, it's still kind of scary.

Because, as Amanda and Tony and the many other creative types out there can tell you, making yourself vulnerable is scary as all get-out. Here's my work, judge me. While I like the idea of a lucrative blogging career, I don't have the energy/balls to pursue it. I already get paid to be a writer, and I agonize over that too.

In the words of Wes, who coincidentally just brought home his mastered CD and is now ripping it apart, "It's really fucking hard, Sweetie Pie." (It sounds amazing, btw, except for this weird thing on every "s" sound on the entire CD.)

That being said, if you do like my blog, you can tell me. I'll get over the embarrassment pretty quick in order to bask in your praise.

On Fiction

2008-12-07T17:11:00.005-05:00

So I haven't written a nonwork-related word since that last post, which makes this an especially appropriate post.

Now that National Novel Writing Month is over, I've found that it indeed works, as I haven't touched my "novel" despite the best of intentions. Part of the problem is that I'm not entirely comfortable with what I'm writing about. But I'm not going to write about my internal struggle because I don't want anyone to know what I'm writing about. That's how uncomfortable it is.

Instead, I will wax a little bit about the ethics of fiction writing, which actually played itself out in another way for me last month. A few weeks ago I went to see two fantastic authors speak at a Pen/Faulkner event at the Folger Shakespeare Library. I put all that in there so you know exactly what kind of book-gobbling yuppie I am.

It was excellent. I now understand why Wes stays up late playing guitar after coming home from a concert.

But anyway, Russell Banks read a short story he'd written, Cow-Cow, based on something that happened to a friend. The story was about a couple who shoot their runaway cow in a cemetary, which serves as an allegory for the end of their marriage. (Does that sentence make sense? I really wanted to use "allegory" but couldn't make it fit.) Anyway, he said that was a true story, but that his friend was annoyed that he'd changed it; she and her husband are in fact stil very happily married.

That led to a discussion about where ideas for fiction come from. As Richard Russo said, you can't jump from thin air into thin air. An idea has to come from somewhere. One of the authors said that "fiction is in the details," that writers take their experiences or the experiences of their friends (or someone else's book/movie/idea) and fill in the details, and that's what makes it their own and a work of fiction. And that made me feel a little better about what I was writing.

I had also recently visited my favorite place, and found James Frey's new novel, Bright Shiny Morning on the new books shelf. Oh, I thought, I should read this, but first I should read that other book and see what all the fuss was about.

Frey's other book, as you probably know, was A Million Little Pieces, which incurred the wrath of Oprah herself when The Smoking Gun revealed that the so-called memoir was pretty much completely made up.

Now, I was well aware of the controversy, but I was somewhat sympathetic to Frey. Memoirs are usually fictionalized to some extent. Names are changed, no one remembers exact conversations and details. That's ok and understood in the world. Of course, they're supposed to be mostly true.

But since I'd never read Frey's book, I didn't follow the brouhaha too closely. So, some 3 years after the story broke, I was happily reading and enjoying A Million Little Pieces, and though I knew some of it was made up--enough to make Oprah angry--I was still subconsciously reading it like it was a memoir. I thought it was mostly true, but I kept wondering what wasn't.

After talking to someone who told me she'd read the book before the controversy, I finally went and looked up what all the fuss was about. The TSG article is, in a word, devastating. Go read it. I'll wait.

Turns out, as I'm sure everyone but me already knew, James Frey is a big priviledged phony. If you don't have time to read the article, that picture of him at the top of it pretty much sums it up.

I was at my parents' house for Thanksgiving, and I'd only brought one book (something I usually never do), so I continued to read the book after reading the article. And I couldn't do it. I was disgusted. I now understand why he felt the need to claim it was a memoir; otherwise it's a portrait of a meathead, a completely unrealistic protagonist with no redeeming qualities and a pretentious writing style that's supposed to mimic the cluttered mind of an addict. But when you know you aren't reading the mind of an addict, you're reading what a rich white kid who liked to drink a lot in college thinks a hardened addict might sound like, something he's imagined to further himself and his bad-boy image, well, it's just gross.

What's so remarkable is how strong my reaction was. I always, with the exception of Hannibal, finish books. Even when I don't really like them, I still muddle through and look for redeeming qualities and learning points. But I couldn't take one more sentence of Frey's arrogance. And reading the book, it was quite clear that, as TSG noted, the book never ever would have (and didn't) sell as a piece of fiction. It was a terrible cliche. (And it made me feel bad about what I was writing. Not because I'm lying about myself, but because my story is exploitative in a certain sense.)

Which is interesting to me, too. I guess the difference between Banks' fictionalization of real events and Frey's is that Banks is a superb writer. He got published without the back story, because his books are really good. I also don't really know anything about Banks other than he seems like a nice dude, but that's probably because no one has ever needed to drag his lying name through the mud, a la Frey.

And if anyone has read this far, I hope some of that was interesting to you, too. I didn't realize this would be so long, and I usually do edit my ramblings, but I was trying to work this out in my head.

So thanks for indulging me. I know this has almost zero relevance to the rest of the world, but if you have any thoughts on any of it, I'd like to hear them.

NaNotSoMuch

2008-11-30T21:17:00.002-05:00

So, at the beginning of the month I set out to write a 50,000-word novel by midnight on November 30. I'm not alone, and I used NaNoWriMo as an excuse for not blogging at all. (Turns out I really don't rule at all. I have neither a novel nor a bunch of posts.)

But here I am, less than three hours away from my deadline, and I'm officially throwing in the towel. My final word count is just over 22,000, and as you can see I'm blogging, not working on it.

I'm not really really giving up, though. I plan to give myself another month to get to 50,000 before I turn around and start revising it. I'm trying to build up a writing portfolio, which is why I have a blog in the first place. So even though I wasn't able to write 1,667 words a day, I've still written creatively more in the last month than I have in years. This even trumps my thesis, which clocks in at just under 15,000 words, counting the bibliography, and took about a bazillion months to complete (there was more research involved in that one, though).

As far as NaNoWriMo goes, I can't really say that I followed their advice especially well. I never attended a write-in. I only stayed up late once or twice to write, and I only forced myself to write a few times. In other words, I did a pretty good job of churning out 22,000 words while still living the life I like to live. So I think that bodes well for my ability to keep writing in the future, if not my ability to write for a living. (Differently than I already do, that is. I know, nothing is ever good enough.)

The Law of Averages

2008-11-25T22:11:00.005-05:00

This one is dedicated to my statistics-loving reader.

So November has rivaled September in terms of blog crapitude. But that's what happens when you kick so much ass in one month, like I did with a bazillion posts in October.

Guess I'll have to shelve those big dreams of blog stardom for a while. Luckily, despite the fact that it really sucked last week, I didn't quit my day job.

Nothing to report/I don't feel like putting together a real (entertaining) post. I'm headed home for Thanksgiving a day early, thanks to my hard-earned comp time. The entire Bolton family is participating in a 5k on Saturday, plus I found free yoga for Thursday, plus Golds Gym is free on Friday, so I'm ready to counteract the turkey effect (not that I eat turkey, but you know what I mean).

I'll actually blame my lameness on all the weight lifting I've been doing lately. It's exhausting. And it's probably going to screw up my 5k. And I need a lot of band aids because I'm so cut.

Everybody's Workin' on the Weekend

2008-11-15T20:42:00.002-05:00

Not everybody, I guess, but my co-worker and I sure are. Last night at 5 my boss told us that we would need to submit our annual report to the printer by noon on Monday. Which is one thing if your boss has given you all the material, and you've had time to lay it out, and the designer is ready to start packaging stuff. Sure, then Monday at noon is no problem.

But when you're barely halfway through because your boss keeps making major changes and hasn't even given you all the material to edit, well, then that's bull shit.

Guess which experience I'm having? At 10:30 this morning I had no fewer than 10 emails from my boss about stuff we had to do that day. I spent the next four hours editing and putting together the text for our designer and bugging my boss for the rest of the material.

So we've been working all day, and tomorrow we'll have to finish up (what we have!) and then I have to proofread it--our other editor will never see the annual report before it goes to print!--then who knows? I still don't see how we're going to make that deadline.

In the meantime, I'll be glued to my computer if you need anything.

Why Bother?

2008-11-12T19:09:00.003-05:00

I spent much of the last weekend hanging out with Kate, so she's done all the hard work of blogging my life. She calls me out on a few things here: the fact that I spent my Saturday night at a band competition and that I was in the color guard in high school, a fact I've actively hidden for the past 8 years of my life.

Then, we went to see Conor Oberst at the 9:30 Club. Her review is here, but I would like to add that the guy in front of me was laying toxic farts the entire night, which did mildly dampen my enjoyment of the show. Seriously, it was really bad. I almost had to say something.

I'm Here

2008-11-08T00:38:00.004-05:00

But busy/sleepy. November is shaping up to be a real banner month for the blog, just like September.

I have some ideas, so I'll post something tomorrow. And bear with me; maybe at the end of this month I'll have a 50,000 word novel AND a bunch of blog posts. Who rules? I rule.

Yes We Did!

2008-11-05T21:56:00.002-05:00

You've got enough to read about the great thing America did last night, so I won't add much. My dad asked me this morning if now I understood why some people say this is the greatest country on earth. And while I admit that I've taken the U.S. to task in the past, I've always known and believed that we were better than these last eight years. And for the first time since I've been eligible to vote, I'm happy with the outcome and looking forward to four years.

But, just in case you're looking for some more post-election fun, AAUW put up a neat post about what a bunch of us did yesterday and last night.

AAUW is completely nonpartisan, but of course women's organizations usually shake out on the Democratic side. So we're all pretty excited. My story's in there. Check it out and share yours.

Exit Polls!

2008-11-04T18:41:00.003-05:00

Come on, already! Close, Virginia! I can't take it anymore!

Wes and I are trying to make plans to watch the returns in the District. I didn't think I'd be up for anything (I rarely am) but I'm so agitated, I could stay up for days. I was awake at 6 just because I knew I could be voting. (I went at 8:15, took about 45 minutes.)

So Wes is coming to meet me downtown, because my co-worker and I decided that D.C. was definitely the place to be. I want to be in on the celebration/riots, no matter what happens.

The best part of this whole thing though? My "I Voted" sticker. It says "Presidential Election 2008," so I have a souvenir of my participation in possibly the most historic election since the original George W. (That's Washington.)

To borrow a phrase, for the first time in my adult life, I'm proud of my country, proud of the fact that we're open to a broader idea of power, one that goes beyond the traditional white male figurehead. I think it's wonderful to see a government that is more reflective of its electorate. It's been 143 years since people other than white men could vote. It's about damn time we had something to show for it.

Almost Over

2008-11-03T22:30:00.002-05:00

So close yet so far. I can't wait for the election to be over, but I look forward to posting any voting highlights tomorrow. I'm a little drained right now--still tired from the marathon plus NaNoWriMo plus election stress.

And while I have a few things I could post about, I'd just like to take a minute to reflect on the death of Barack Obama's grandmother, Madelyn Dunham. The death of my grandmother, my father's mother, was one of the saddest, most profound moments of my life. Of course, she died suddenly at the age of 56, but losing someone so important to you is never easy.

So add some sadness on top of my stress, and I'll be back tomorrow with fun.

Go vote!!

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T18:43:00.003-04:00

I'm going as Michael Phelps. How about you?

I'm Big Boned!

2008-10-30T20:22:00.002-04:00

Last night I was walking down the street with a friend when two guys tried to hand us flyers for seminars on getting rid of belly fat. "No thanks," I said. "I don't have any belly fat."

My friend said that if we take the flyers then the guys get to go home. I told her that I'm didn't want to take flyers that they offer to women implying that we have guts to lose. Do they offer it to all women? Or just those who look like they need it?

I imagine the seminar goes something like this: they invite all us fat women in, offer us cookies but then don't let us have any! And that's the first step to losing belly fat. (No really, it is.)

So that was fine and good for a laugh, but today I went to the chiropractor and he told me, while pressing on my hips (the saddlebag area, if you will) that I had really nice padded bike pants. EXCEPT MY PANTS AREN'T PADDED. Yikes.

I'm reading Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters, and seriously, no wonder everyone has an eating disorder.

For real now, I'll start my diet tomorrow. I earned my Buzz cupcake tonight.

I Just Like Ice

2008-10-29T21:16:00.005-04:00

Hey, organization in my building, quit bogarting the 7th floor kitchen. I respect the fact that you have to have (all-too) frequent meetings in the board room about, whatever, "inform[ing] and educat[ing] policy makers and the broader policy community about events and trends in those societies which are strategically or tactically important to the United States and which frequently restrict access to such information."

But I wish you'd respect the fact that I only like to drink water at a specific temperature (and, ahem, I think you mean "that are strategically" and "that frequently"). I don't want to go all the way downstairs (6 floors) when I could just go up one. The ice is better on 7 anyway. It's smaller, and I can eat it when I run out of water instead of just going to get more water. Just sayin'.

Seriously, every time I tried to sneak into the kitchen today to get some ice, there was a break and everyone came pouring out of the Jamestown Foundation meeting, blocking my access to the ice maker. So I drank cool water all day and didn't get to chew any ice. It was devastating.

Update: The organization asked that I take their name out of my blog, so I did. Who knew search engines worked so well? But I still want ice!

Haha!

2008-10-29T21:05:00.004-04:00

I thought this was hilarious. I laughed out loud at it, and I didn't even know who Brian Urlacher was. I usually hate all these man toiletry commercials because they use misogyny to show that hygiene isn't gay.

I know it still reinforces traditional notions of masculinity, but he says "honor du-el" and wipes his eyes under his glasses and throws that cap. Hehe. Who's laughing now? Me.

How Did I Decide to Start Running Marathons?

2008-10-27T20:29:00.003-04:00

I don't know.

Wes asked me today, and I'm really not sure. I think I like doing them because they make me feel special. Outside of my running group, I don't know too many marathoners, and of the other marathoners I do know, I'm faster than almost all of them. Plus I really like my running friends, so it's fun to hang out with them and work toward a common goal.

As far as a marathon, well, it just became the logical next step. I ran a 10-miler, then I ran a half marathon, and I had such a great time that I had to go for the full. It's only recently that I've come to appreciate how different 10-milers and half marathons are from the full marathon distance.

Of course I also have a wicket sweet tooth, so marathons help with that. I've heard some people lose weight while doing them, but I wouldn't know anything about that.

The diet starts tomorrow though, so for my next marathon I'll be totally jacked and possibly a few pounds lighter to increase my aerodynamicity.

PR It Is

2008-10-26T20:27:00.004-04:00

So, marathons are hard. 3:45:33. Wait, what's my weight doing on there??

Update: My original link stopped working. This one doesn't have my weight on it (though I'm not embarrassed--130), but it does have incorrect 5k splits for me and some pictures. Enjoy!

Update 2: The splits are correct now. So close!

Wish Me Luck!

2008-10-25T12:16:00.002-04:00

It's finally almost marathon day! I'll be running around all day today getting ready, then all morning tomorrow actually doing the marathon. My goal is anything under 3:40:59, which would get me into Boston. Anything under 3:48:14 would be a PR. (And anything under 3:42 beats my old roommate, but that's not really a goal, more of a fun fact.)

I'll post results tomorrow if my body decides it has 26.2 miles left in it :) In the meantime, read up on the Post's coverage.

Spelling Is Anti-American

2008-10-22T21:42:00.004-04:00

Just add it to the ever-growing list. Today I went to see Obama out in not real Virginia (not to be confused with Communist Country, where I live).

On our way in there were a few protestors, including one guy on a sweet red, white and blue motorcycle and a big sign that read "American's for McCain." So I said, "You've misspelled that. There's no apostrophe in Americans" like the good little editor that I am. He shot back something about his last name and then said he never learned to spell.

Now, he might have been joking, but he really didn't sound like it. He sounded like some smug Republican--I'm sorry a smug Real American- accusing me of elitism. And obviously spelling and grammar are things that only elitists care about.

And of course, about 15 minutes later, I realized what I should have said to him:
"That's nothing to be proud of. No wonder they keep sending your jobs overseas."

The Secret Life of Bees

2008-10-21T21:37:00.004-04:00

I may have caused a bit of trouble at work. One of my colleagues, a woman of color, told me that she saw The Secret Life of Bees last weekend and that an older white woman spent the entire movie crying on her shoulder. I told her that the woman just wanted to know if she made honey with her sisters too. We all had a good laugh, but my co-worker went back and wrote a blog about it.

After a good start to the blog, describing the strong, prominent black actresses in the film, my co-worker started talking about how awful it was to have this woman single her out because she kind of (not really) looks like the women in the movie.

And let's get one thing straight: she's absolutely right. But now it's my job to make some racial theory palatable to the wealthy, older white women who are the members of my organization. (Our staff is very diverse, but I think it will still be hard to get this by them.) Samhita on Feministing talks about it in a post today, reminding me why this blog is important and that it should go up, and not necessarily in white-washed (pun intended) language.

I personally can't wait to tell these women that, despite their best intentions, some of their sentiments and "diversity" programs are, well, racist. (Though one member did tell me that, and I quote, "diversity means different things to different people." But she was using that to justify leaving authors of color off a reading list in favor of rich white women, so it looks like we have our work cut out for us.)

Of course the safe blog is likening the difficulty the Jennifer Hudson character has with voting to what's going on today, but this is definitely the more interesting of the two. We'll see what we can do. Might be time to break out the Patricia Hill Collins...

Wait, I DIDN'T KNOW PHC LIVED HERE!!!!! I kind of love her. Wait, did I know that? It's on the back of her books. Nevermind.

How would you phrase the blog?

Why Is this a Question?

2008-10-21T21:32:00.001-04:00

I have the chance to go see Obama tomorrow in Leesburg. My friend is leaving work early and says she'll give anyone a ride. Is it crazy that I haven't agreed to go? The more I think about it, the more I think the answer to that is YES.

Would you go?

Why Running Is Awesome

2008-10-20T22:03:00.004-04:00

The marathon is only a few days away. But at this point I'm really just looking forward to Monday morning. (I've told a few too many people I'm going for the BQ to not be completely terrified, so I try not to think too much about it.)

Monday morning, on the other hand, I have my first appointment with a guy who specializes in something called active release technique, which I'm pretty sure is going to change my life. I've had pain in my left leg for, ahem, more than a year now, and this guy knows what's wrong and how to fix it. I'm excited about that, though at this point the numbness that keeps me from sitting in my chair has become like an old friend, and I'm kind of going to miss it.

But I've also recently started suffering from pretty debilitating headaches that start in my neck, so I'm not going to miss those.

To make sure that I get my money's worth out of this guy, however, I made a list of problems that I've had this training season. So without further ado, here is my list of pain or, as I like to think of it, my list of things that make running so great:

Numbness, pain in my upper left hamstring and glute that makes it difficult to sit
Tightness and pain in my "haunches"
Occasional back pain that takes my breath away/prevents me from moving
IT band pain (both legs)
Calf tightness (both legs)
Left ankle and foot pain
Stiff neck that results in intense headaches

I think that about does it. I know it sounds like a lot, but hey, that which doesn't kill me and all that. Plus, I'm able to keep running through it all, so I'd say I'm still doing pretty good.

Wish me luck! (for Sunday and Monday)

Cleaning My Damn House

2008-10-18T18:49:00.004-04:00

That's what I've been doing all day. So much so that my legs are exhausted, as I've been standing up since like 1pm. Wes and I are entertaining this weekend (aren't we every weekend, haha), so it's time for me to put away all those piles of things to put away later.

So far, I've pretty well managed to avoid an unequal gender division of labor, where I do all the work while Wes sits around and you know, does man things like watch tv or drink beer. I have a secret weapon--I'm lazy. Like crazy lazy. And I hate cleaning. And I have a really high tolerance for clutter. Not filth, clutter. So I'll wipe up stuff like the sinks, but I'm pretty laid back about the rest. And, because I'm totally lazy, I have absolutely no qualms about asking Wes to help me.

I've read articles about training or nagging men into helping you (Linda Hirschman has some extreme ideas in Get to Work--hey, where is my copy of that?), but usually I just ask Wes or complain about having to do it and he does it. Even though I'm by far the messier one. So at the risk of jinxing myself, cleaning my house is not as bad as it could be. Though I hear it could get worse (and here I'm trying to link to a Feministing post whose permalink isn't working, but it says that co-habitating men do more housework than married men. Reason #8,567 why I'm not getting married... Reason #8,568 is that Wes announced today that he likes the name Felon for a child, Felony for a girl.)

Anyway, I also did this today! Hooray for Halloween!

This Is My Dress, BTW

2008-10-16T21:10:00.002-04:00

Peggy asked for a picture, though I did put one up on Facebook. But hey, I, too, believe in spreading the wealth around.

Lilly Ledbetter, FTW!

2008-10-15T22:11:00.004-04:00

Obama just brought up our girl! Clip tomorrow if I can get one.

Think McCain won't turn back women's rights or that W didn't? You're wrong.

BlogHer Shout Outs

2008-10-14T21:14:00.002-04:00

I learned a lot about giving "link love" at BlogHerDC yesterday, so in that spirit, I would like to link to everyone who gave me their business card yesterday. (I really thought I'd be able to remember everyone else's blogs without writing them down, but I was sorely mistaken.)

So what's up to
Kate, who has the best blog name I've seen, at Winning Friends With Salad
Monica from Urban Charm Chat
Olive, who also has an awesome blog name, at Surely You Nest
and Linda at Monkey Business Kids and Baby Bunching

I'm unfortunately not able to link to Kellie from AllThingsNanny.com, because I can't find her page. But I hope she keeps fighting the good fight to help nannies get some agency out there. (haha, nanny agency)

I'm also not linking to this woman who had a real stick up her ass about the fact that I was standing next to three of my colleagues during our ice breaker game. She told me, with attitude, that we really should move around because some people were there to network, and we were really inconveniencing her. Well guess what, lady, I didn't come to the conference to meet a-holes, so I guess both of us were inconvenienced. I'm not sure why someone who writes a blog targeted at organizations was so bent out of shape about meeting four people from an organization, but hey. In fairness, she couldn't move herself because both of her feet were chained to the floor, so maybe I'm being unfair.

Anyway, someday, maybe after the marathon and NaNoWriMo (more on that later) I'll be able to vamp up my blog. But don't worry, I'm writing down my ideas.

Welcome to the Real World!

2008-10-14T21:08:00.003-04:00

I just want to take a minute to embarrass my sister and let everyone know that she got a job!

So congratulations, Katie. Welcome to the grind. I spent the first few months of my job trying to come up with an alternative to the monetary system so we wouldn't need money and, more importantly, I therefore wouldn't have to go to work everyday. I'm still working on it, but I'm glad you can now join me in my theorizing.

BlogHer, I Don't Even Know Her

2008-10-13T21:29:00.002-04:00

Har har.

Today I attended the BlogHer D.C. conference in Bethesda. I got lots of new ideas about how to shake up and improve this blog, and I'm looking forward to getting started on them ... tomorrow. I was all about doing it tonight, but Jac came over, and we drank a bottle of wine and went out to dinner. So now I'm inspired and a little too full.

(Tomorrow I'm also going to stop eating and drinking so much. All I need is to gain weight before the marathon.)

Problem Solved

2008-10-12T21:35:00.002-04:00

What to do for the first anniversary of Wes's 29th birthday?

Rufus Wainwright with special guest Martha Wainwright
Saturday, February 14, 2009, 8pm
Verizon Hall at the Kimmel Center

Done and done.

It Runs in the Family

2008-10-12T21:11:00.003-04:00

Check out my newly added blog roll blog, Music for Misanthropes. My brother and sister combine forces to write a DC/NY music blog. So far they just make fun of each other. It's awesome. It might be funny to people who don't know them, too. If you've ever found yourself thinking, boy, I wish Liz wrote more nonsensical rants and made more inside jokes, you'll probably love Music for Misanthropes.

If nothing else you'll love their banner and that picture of Michael with wing hair.

Crisis Averted

2008-10-10T12:01:00.002-04:00

My dress arrived on Wednesday. Phew! Of course, it's a little big at the top, but Wes's mom is a master (mistress?) seamstress, so I'm hoping I can leave it with her post-wedding and get back a custom-tailored frock.

But I don't really have shoes that match this dress. So I bought silver heels at Filene's. Except I can't really wear heels. I can't decide if I want to wreck my legs for the sake of hottness and essentially throw away the $50 I spent on the shoes by wearing them instead of just wearing my flats and returning the heels on Monday.

If it wasn't two weeks from the marathon and the economy wasn't melting down around us, I'd probably risk it.

Oh, Is This the Right Meeting?

2008-10-08T22:17:00.004-04:00

Tonight I attended my first meeting of a writer's group I recently joined. I really enjoyed it. The people seem supportive, and the stories were really good. My big (and only) contribution was telling the group that someone stealing a candy bar from a grocery store wouldn't get arrested.

When I was in college I took a creative writing course. When we had prompts, I wrote some decent short stories, but I struggle with writer's block when it comes to completely original stuff. We had to write two stories for review, and I wrote mine as thinly veiled recounts of my own experiences.

Most of my feedback said that there was some good writing, but then went on to comment on the obvious mental illness of the protagonist. I mean, yeah, so, maybe my "character" "threatened" "her" sister with a "screwdriver." But does that mean she's mentally ill? Maybe the sister was really on her case and didn't respond to other forms of communication? There's really no way to know.

Anyway, that class led me to believe that I wasn't so good at fiction. So I started "blogging" instead of thinly disguising my neuroses--and now I'm an artist, not a psychopath.

And I'm Modest, Too

2008-10-07T22:14:00.004-04:00

Cheryl and I made the news! We ran the High Trek Adventure race on Sept. 20, coming in second (and beating my friend Kathryn, hehe). We also wrote an article for RunWashington.com, so hopefully that goes up soon as well. In the meantime, enjoy my 2 minutes in the sun. (These are really starting to add up...)

Here's a pic.

P.S. My dress = not here.

Curses!

2008-10-06T22:37:00.011-04:00

My dress still isn't here! I'm starting to get a little worried, because I leave for NC soon. I guess with UPS ground, it should get here by tomorrow, but since when does UPS take that long? And did they even send it UPS? Please, God, don't tell me they ship DHL...

My protein powder got here on Friday. (No, I still haven't opened it. I try not to think too much about it, especially at times like these, when I have a zucchini cake in the oven. Mmmmmm zucchini cake.)

Wes's bizarre shoes are here, though. I didn't even know he ordered them; the box just showed up to taunt me with its bold, Urban Outfitters (clearly not WHBM) logo.

Actually, the shoes kind of look like they have teeth, so it's like they're mocking me too!

Woops-a-Doodle

2008-10-04T20:22:00.003-04:00

10 posts for September? That's sad. Pitiful, really. I mean, I feel like I had some good excuses, and some not good excuses, but 10 is not a lot for a month that has 30 days.

So my apologies to the six people who check this everyday. I have a vague idea who most of you are (Sitemeter is always watching), and I'm sorry I let you down. To make it up to you, I'm going to do 10 posts RIGHT NOW.

Just kidding, I'm going to dinner now. But three in one night, not bad. Just read them slowly.

I Didn't Know About This!

2008-10-04T20:10:00.003-04:00

A Michael Phelps parade in Maryland?! (Interrobang!)

If I had known of it, I would have added it to my list of things to do today--and it might have actually gotten done, unlike about 90 percent of that list. (What did get done? A 22-mile run, and I cleaned half my bike. Cleaning your bike totally sucks, by the way. I'm not in a rush to do the other half.)

It Never Gets Old

2008-10-04T20:06:00.003-04:00

So, the other day my boss pointed out that we can, literally, see into the offices of the Washington Post. Not just see them across a narrow maritime border (like I can see D.C. from the Mount Vernon Trail) but actually inside, where some dude sits at a computer and sometimes files things. (I figure there's no way he's a reporter. Reporters aren't good at filing.)

Anyway, I think we all know we're I'm going. Guess what I'm qualified to do!! Personally, I hope I get to be the editor of Date Lab.

Victory!

2008-09-30T18:00:00.008-04:00

So I may or may not have spent a good chunk of my workday tracking down this dress.

I finally found one in California. (I guess that answers that question. And by "I," I mean the nice lady on White House Black Market's customer service line. After I went out to Union Station at lunch looking for it.)

I spent a lot of time at White House Black Market this weekend. The lady had me trying on everything in the store. Some of it was great, but this dress was my favorite. It was just a tad too small. So I went on a mission--and victory is mine!!

I'm also waiting for this dress to go on sale.

It looks better on me than on that model. But who pays retail? Especially when that retail is$148. (The answers to those questions are me, sometimes and never me.)

In conclusion, shop at White House Black Market. We can be twins. But please don't wear that dress if you're going to two weddings in Raleigh on Oct. 11. Thanks.

P.S. Why is the "cancel" button more prominent than the "upload photo button" on this interface? I canceled my photos like three times. That can't be operator error!

P.P.S. Sorry, Beth of the Lehigh Valley WHBM who spent an hour complimenting me (whether my outfit warranted that or not) and bringing me stuff only to have your commission go to some woman in Cali who just picked up the phone. I owe you one.

Nevermind

2008-09-26T21:29:00.001-04:00

I kind of totally love Sarah Palin now.

I'll Miss the Food the Most

2008-09-25T21:46:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I met with the gym nutritionist for my complimentary session. She set up a diet for me based on my current weight (130), height (5'6"), body fat percentage (21.2) and my goals. The problem, however, with asking me about my weight loss goals is that they border on disordered.

In my day I had some issues with body image, issues that playing sports (adequately) has mitigated. But you could also make a good argument, as my sister often does, that my devotion to running hasn't so much mitigated my preoccupations as replaced them. But hey, running's healthier than not eating any day.

So now I have a goal to lose 7 pounds (130 is actually my ideal weight) and to drop down to 17% body fat. That's really the kicker. I want to be more muscular. For the exercise component, I'm supposed to lift for 3 hours a week and keep up my running. That's easy enough.

But ugh, the food. She wants me to drink protein shakes and the daily calories on my plan are limited to like 1650, because, as a (mostly) vegetarian, all my proteins have carbs in them, which the software doesn't count. So it looks like I can actually eat about 2,000, but on paper it says 1650, and that's a little daunting.

So I'll take about a week to amass this shit (and a blender, of course) and then it's off to day after day after day of dry tuna and half an English muffin for three meals a day. It's going to be great.

I Just Need a Minute

2008-09-22T21:18:00.002-04:00

So, I've been too tired and busy to really be able to blog as much as I've wanted to these past two weeks. Yesterday I was all set to return to blogging with renewed vigor. I have some stories about my weekend, and I'm working on some essays, and I've joined a writer's group (in name only so far), and Jenny Lewis has a new CD, plus I owe you guys a Ben Folds explanation. Nothing that funny, but you know, stuff.

But today I got some pretty sad news. I've had some people tell me they never realized I have a brother because I don't talk about him too much. But I do; he's six years younger than me, so we're not super close anymore, but I still like to think I look out for the kid. And right now my heart is breaking for him.

I never met his roommate Paul, but late last week I got an earful about what a great guy he was and how much Michael liked living with him. I'm sorry for my brother's loss and for Paul's family and other friends, and I just wanted some time tonight to be sad. Tomorrow I'll go back to being a jerk.

Thanks for bearing with me.

So Many Emotions

2008-09-17T09:15:00.003-04:00

Ben Folds Five

I'm freaking out. I had no idea this was going on, and therefore totally missed it.

I can't blog right now, but I'm so mad at Ben Folds right now I could scream. If I don't cry about it first.

Awesome

2008-09-14T19:15:00.001-04:00

That's Why I Have a Blog

2008-09-08T19:50:00.003-04:00

So everyone has been complaining about the end of summer, and I'm no different. But I'll complain for another reason. (Some people have also been complaining incessantly about the Results class schedule, but that's another blog.)

I have to buy a trail light for my bike. Tonight, after a lovely run in the Results HydroWorx pool, I headed home only to find that it was almost too dark to wear my shades. That's bad for a number of reasons: number one, bugs in my eyes; number two, if I had stayed much later, it would have been completely dark, and I don't have a light.

I used to have a light--you're required by law to have one in DC and VA if you ride at night--but a lovely woman broke it when she helped me fix my flat tire. She flipped the bike over while the light was still attached, and it snapped off. At the time I was happy that I didn't have to walk home, but now I kinda miss the stupid light.

Don't get me wrong though, that light was not cutting it. I rode home along a trail, and it gets DARK. Plus I'm riding against traffic on the way home, so the lights of oncoming cars make it hard enough to see. I've almost driven off the trail a few times from darkness or blindness. Really, it's a great trail.

Anyway, my little light, which was totally sweet and bright for its price class, still wasn't bright enough for the deep darkness of the banks of the mighty Potomac. So I need a trail light. And those fuckers are expensive.

So, in conclusion, I'm complaining that I have to drop $200 so that I can continue riding my bicycle to work during these shorter days. At least I don't drive.

Live Blog: My Confinement to the Bathroom

2008-09-07T15:02:00.004-04:00

File this one under TMI, and don't say I didn't warn you.

So, last night, before heading out to dinner with some friends at P.F. Chang's (my friends love chain restaurants), Wes asked me, "What are we going to get at P.F. Chang's?" And I enthusiastically responded, "Diarrhea!"

Famous last words, y'all. Unlike my sister (haha) I have a pretty good, well-behaved G.I. system. But running can sometimes really fuck me up. After my first half marathon I literally almost pooped my pants, and I am NOT an elite runner. It wasn't that I was pushing myself so hard, it's just that running jostles your insides, and debilitating stomach cramps snuck up on me after the race, far enough away from a bathroom that disaster seemed imminent.

So sometimes my stomach acts up. It most often happens after really long runs. But this week, the combination of clam chowder for lunch on Friday, clam chowder for lunch on Saturday and a 20-mile run on Sunday seem to have laid me down for the count.

I'm dying. I finished running at like 11:30. It is now 3:09, and I am typing this from the bathroom. The toilet is the only place I can sit upright without getting cramps that send me running back to the toilet. I've been here so long that my foot is asleep. I was gchatting with Kate, so I brought the computer in here with me and figured I may as well blog. Lucky you. I really wish I had my camera in here. I'd post pictures of my vanity--by which I mean the cabinet. A blog about me shitting is enough of an illustration of my self vanity (self vanity?). But I guess it's weird enough that I have my computer with me...

Seriously, thank God we have the internet. Now everyone can suffer with me.

Talk Me Down

2008-09-06T11:45:00.003-04:00

So I haven't been able to blog for a few reasons. 1) I was baby-sitting on Wednesday for a small child who said "Helen Mirren can do anything" and his brother who made me watch Derek Jacobi's to be or not to be scene on YouTube and got home really late. 2) My friend is pretty sick, and we went to visit him on Thursday. I got home and passed out almost immediately after finishing my child-size fries and chocolate milk dinner. And 3) I fucking hate Sarah Palin with the burning fire of a thousand suns.

I'm so angry and insulted and stressed about her and the Republican campaign strategies that I can't stand it or organize my thoughts into anything that doesn't turn into a rant. She reminds me of this other "feminist" I knew who wants all the benefits of feminism but never misses a chance to attack other women. I mentioned before that I like to think the best of people, so this strategy of lying and appealing to the lowest common denominator really throws me for a loop. I get physically upset about it. No wonder some people hate affirmative action! (I still like it--otherwise the domestic terrorist Republicans have won.)

But luckily there is a shining beacon of hope. Yesterday, after spending the entire day at my desk, reading story after story about Sarah Palin until I wanted to cry, another Sarah came to my rescue. She's like Haley Joel Osmet in Pay It Forward, and I'm like Jesus on the bridge, and now I'm paying Sarah Haskins forward to you. It might be ok after all.

I'm Watching the Republican Convention

2008-09-02T22:17:00.002-04:00

There sure are a lot of white people there. And no, Fred Thompson, despite that hideous fake tan, you do not count as a person of color. Nice try, though.

"John McCain Is Out of Touch with Reality"

2008-08-30T20:54:00.002-04:00

And Lilly Ledbetter is my hero.

Tonight my aunt told me that she, a Democrat and former Hillary supporter, would be voting for McCain. I begged her not to vote.

$105 and All I Got Was this Lousy Air Freshener

2008-08-30T20:36:00.002-04:00

I'm in Virginia Beach to run the Rock 'N Roll Half Marathon tomorrow morning. I'm not kidding, it really cost $105 to enter this stupid race, and t-shirt is COTTON. Cotton t-shirts are like CDs or tube TVs in the road racing world. And $105 is a premium race fee. Of course, I didn't actually pay that. I paid $36, but I can't tell you how or I'd have to kill you.

Anyway, it looks like sweet marathon weather tomorrow. At 4:30, when I wake up, it will be 72 degrees and 93% humidity. Brutal.

Normally I love running, especially distance. But right now the prospect of running 13.1 miles fast (I consider 8:15s to be fast!) is just not doing it for me.

I don't mean to be so negative. It might be fun! You can check out my results on the new and improved Pacers Racers site!

Hey, I Have a Vagina, Too!

2008-08-29T18:43:00.005-04:00

Ann at Feministing read my mind while I was working and then taking a 2-hour nap to express my outrage.

I think, at bottom, McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as a running mate is insulting, and I don't think women are going to fall for it. It's Harriet Miers all over again--at least I hope it is.

I'll admit that as a Hillary supporter who always liked Obama, I did narrow down my choice based on the fact that Hillary was a woman and that a woman in the White House was a precedent I wanted to set. But, really, my support was based on her strong stance on and interest in women's issues, not the fact that she herself was a woman. And, this is petty, but I'd like to see a woman WIN the presidency, not take the back door in when the old-ass president dies in office.

And, although I'm often accused of living in a big-city, intellectual bubble, I truly believe that my fellow women won't be fooled by McCain's pandering or the sub-par candidate he's put up to make history. I like to think I have faith in humanity, and even if P.U.M.A.s are out there, they're not completely stupid. And now they see what John McCain thinks of them.

Happy Women's Equality Day

2008-08-26T21:30:00.001-04:00

Here, have 75 cent of my dollar.

That's Not Fair

2008-08-25T20:45:00.002-04:00

My obsession with the marathon and my limited Olympics viewing last weekend caused me to miss the fact that the U.S. track team did finish with some highlights, most notably Sanya Richards' redeeming run. Runner's World has a great recap.

Wes and I were planning a summer 2012 London trip, but after that Handover--obviously their spelling and not mine--I'm not so sure.

Goddammit

2008-08-23T21:35:00.003-04:00

Apparently, Wes did buy this tv for nothing (except its superior picture quality). I kind of wish I'd gone to Pacers to commiserate, but instead I'll just shower and go to bed and nurse my red, white, and blue wounds. Congrats though, Kenya, you certainly deserve it. Wanjiru, that was a hell of a performance.

Our Only Hope

2008-08-22T20:53:00.004-04:00

Ok, America. I've displayed more patriotism in the last two weeks than I have in the last 26 years combined (not counting my trip to LA 7s). I have so many ethical and ideological problems with supporting the Olympics--especially these Olympics--and yet they've taken over my life. But I really can't take any more running disappointments, and I can't help but feel like you're not holding up your end of the bargain. Michael Phelps can't carry a whole country on his back. And water polo hardly counts.

Last night, I about fell off the couch when the women's 4x100 relay team dropped their baton. I had read that the men had done it, but I didn't know the women would make the same mistake. But it's been ugly all along. Where did Jamaica come from? And a bronze medal out of a 5th place finish hardly makes up for all the lowlights. (Ok, there have been some highlights.)

So tomorrow is the men's marathon. Now's your chance. Don't make me regret spending the last two weeks of my life--weeks I'll never have back!--glued to your prime time event coverage and your heart-warming fillers. (P.S. No male athletes have children?)

After the heartbreaking American performances in the women's marathon, I want to see Ryan Hall medal. Wes didn't buy this giant tv for nothing, dammit!

Making Sundays Bright

2008-08-21T20:17:00.004-04:00

I kind of love the Washington Post Magazine. And last weekend might have been the Greatest Issue Ever. I still haven't read the cover story, but it does have the word marathon in it, so it must be great.

But I thought Gene was hilarious this week. I laughed out loud.

Plus, finally!, a successful Date Lab. Is that the first? I'm pretty sure it is--it is being advertised as the Date Lab we've all been waiting for.

And Tom gave 2 1/2 stars to a restaurant devoted to chocolate. It's like eating at my house except more expensive and with fewer m&ms. I wish I were there right now. The restaurant. I am at my house.

Baby Steps

2008-08-20T20:30:00.002-04:00

I've hinted at this before, but when I was younger, I was all sorts of crazy. I had enough anxiety and body image issues to make the poor, short, chubby girls at modeling camp seem calm and at ease.

I won't get into it too much, except to say that I used to have trouble sleeping on the first floor of any dwelling because I thought a murderer would come get me. I'd spend late nights tossing with the TV on at my aunt's house thinking about someone slipping through the woods and into my room to stab me while the 4 a.m. repeat of Oprah ran in the background. (I thought keeping the TV on might protect me.)

But these days, I'm a lot calmer and more well-adjusted. I even live on the first floor of my condo building--something I swore I'd never do. But love makes you do crazy things--Wes wanted to live on the first floor to make load in/out easier.

And, despite the fact that I've been riding it almost every day since January, it only recently occurred to me that it would be really easy for a car driving on the GW Parkway to jump the curb and smash right into me while biking or running on the Mt. Vernon trail. Seriously, people (myself included) drive like maniacs on that road, and in a lot of places, the trail runs right alongside it. I'd always thought about how my bike could slide out from under me and directly into traffic at this one part, but my preoccupation with cars coming to get me is completely new--eight months after I started traveling on it. I take that as a sign of progress.

I also now willingly publish details about my life on the internet, known province of stalkers, rapists and murderers. Tomorrow, look for directions to my house and a description of my daily routines and habits.

Itsy Bitsy Bikinis

2008-08-18T21:09:00.004-04:00

So, yeah, beach volleyball players wear little outfits.

The women who play are uniformly gorgeous, so I guess they feel no need to cover all that hottness up with, well, uniforms. I'm watching May and Walsh play the semi-final match, and so are Kobe Bryant and LeBron James. I doubt the outfits are lost on them.

Anyway, I'm intrigued by how good May and Walsh are. They are, by far, the dominant team. Last time I watched, their match count was something like 457-9. And right now they are trouncing the Brazilians 14-6. Make that 15-6.

I think it's a shame they don't play against men. I bet they could take on many of the best men's teams in the world and still come out on top. Sure, the net is higher in men's volleyball, and on average the men are probably taller, but Walsh is well over 6' herself. I'm not worried.

I read this book for a review I never wrote for the AAUW member magazine. It was about the idea that sex-segregated sports do a disservice to the best women, because they never have a chance to go up against the best competition--men. After reading the arguments of authors Eileen McDonagh and Laura Pappano, it's difficult to disagree with them.

As a former rugby player and now runner, I certainly see the arguments in favor of letting women win by separating them out of the men's competition. While Paula Radcliffe can beat her countrymen, she hasn't yet clocked a marathon time that would beat the male world record holder. And she probably never will. Winning is likely more rewarding than always coming in behind a handful of men, but Radcliffe still comes in ahead of the vast majority of men running marathons.

At the lower levels of sports, sex segregation might be a good idea, especially to introduce girls to their sport. Boys can be intimidating, and they therefore tend to dominate on the pitch. McDonagh and Pappano are in favor of voluntary segregation--they are protesting forced sex segregation. It's a fine distinction, but an important one. While the scrawniest, nerdiest, most athletically disinclined boy could try out for his school's football team if he wanted to, it's likely that the most athletic, talented girl at his school could not, simply because she's a girl. And when you look at it that way, it doesn't seem fair.

So May and Walsh might not have any interest in competing against the top men, but it might be good for their game. And it might also make for good tv. Provided the dudes wore correspondingly skimpy outfits.

The Women's Olympic Marathon

2008-08-17T14:09:00.002-04:00

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh Jesus Christ

2008-08-16T18:07:00.004-04:00

As I was writing about how f-ing great the Girls Rock! DC camp was, I found this on the Washington Post website.

Modeling camp? Because why teach your girls, ages 7-17, about creativity, talent and comfort in their own skin when you can teach them about unrealistic standards of beauty and how to pose like a sexpot?

As one of the campers told the Post:

"I'm going to be a high-fashion model," says Bailey Milde, a long-limbed 12-year-old from Stafford in short shorts and a tank top. "Not all agencies are going to like me, but I think enough will that I'll make enough money to live on. I have a good body type for it."

By which she means that, as a pre-pubescent child, she's really skinny and has no breasts.

I know lots of models are very young, but I also know that eating disorders, drug use and depression run rampant in the fashion industry. And I also know that reading about the urge of people to teach their 11-year-old daughters how to wear makeup and pose so men want to have sex with them makes for one of those exhausting feminist moments.

In fairness, drug use also runs rampant in the world of rock and roll. But Katie tells me her GR!DC girls got a talk on how fame isn't everything, and while I did stop a participant on the street to ask for her autograph, the purpose of rock camp wasn't to break these girls into show business or to create unrealistic expectations. It was to teach them that's it's good to be a girl.

At model camp, on the other hand:

Campers from 7 to 17 spend a week or more learning makeup tips, runway walking and how to compile a professional portfolio. They leave with a handful of fashion photos and, generally, an intensified desire to enter the competitive world of modeling. ...

After camp is over, each will meet with Cole and a parent to talk about her potential for professional modeling.

The camp's founder defends her camp as a self-esteem builder, but look at those pictures. And imagine that meeting: "I'm sorry, but one of Kayla's eyes is smaller than the other, and she's 5 pounds heavier than the average 8 year old. She'll have to go on a strict diet, and even then she'll be lucky to get a dog food commercial. Sorry, Fatty."

The campers also spend the day at a spa. I feel like I've spent too much time defending girls' rock camp. This modeling camp is disgusting, and its values are completely misplaced.

One or two of the most promising (and tallest -- adult models generally must be 5 feet 9 or taller) might be recruited to join Cole's scouting firm, Model Source, which represents models she's chosen who are trying to get jobs with New York agencies. Shorter girls will receive a list of other reputable agencies to pursue on their own. All will be offered the chance to participate in Cole's $2,000 modeling program during the school year.
"I'm known for being honest," Cole said. "If I don't think someone can work, I'll say that I don't know that this is the best investment for you."

The rest of you skinny girls, fork it over.

And finally:

Campers said they understand that the chances of hitting it big are slim. But even if they never get a modeling job, they said, they still learned valuable skills, such as how to address the paparazzi.

Because, obviously, handling the paparazzi is a skill all young women should cultivate. You know how we treat those who can't.

We Salute You

2008-08-16T15:57:00.007-04:00

Earlier today I went to the 9:30 Club from about noon to 1. It was very strange--I've been to the 9:30 Club many many times, but never walked out into the sun before.

But I was there for the first Girls Rock! DC Showcase. GR!DC is a rock camp for girls by women. My sister, Kate, volunteered there, and she's pretty much been bouncing off the wall all week with excitement. I know this, and I've only talked to her like twice.

So sometimes it's exhausting to be a feminist, but sometimes, times like this morning, it's completely exhilarating. This camp is all about teaching girls to rock and all the attendant values and virtues that come along with "rocking"--of which there are many, I can assure you after seeing this morning's show.

I'm not too embarrassed to admit that I fought back tears a few times. Watching a little girl spin is such a non-sequiter, but that's the point. With some notable exceptions, female DJs are few, and, like lots of women in male-dominated fields, women musicians have to work harder than their male counterparts to prove themselves. My dad once told me he just doesn't like women singers. (That feeling you can't seem to place when you dislike a woman but just can't explain it? Yeah, that's sexism.) Though he also doesn't care about lyrics, so we don't have much to talk about when it comes to music.

So, in the last week, these girls formed bands, practiced or learned to play instruments, wrote a song, and cultivated their image. And without exception, their songs were fun, and their images were fierce. There was a lot of confidence on display--a trait that can be so rare and vulnerable in teen girls. One band, the Beat Queens ("like a drum, not like a vegetable") were all about 8 years old and had a whole routine worked out where they asked each other and the audience "Are you ready?" "Thank you, America," Queen Adia, the lead singer, shouted at the end of her set and again at the end of the GR!DC camp song. We ran into her after brunch, and she gave me her autograph.

Some girls are born with that kind of confidence, and I suspect Queen Adia is such a child. But some of us have had to constantly choke down self-doubt and fear and shyness to ever get anything done, and I saw a lot of those girls on stage today too. They're the ones who made me cry, because if they can realize at such a young age that it's awesome to be a girl and to have attitude and style and confidence and not worry about what anyone else thinks, then their lives are going to be that much better, starting today.

Is This True?

2008-08-15T23:20:00.001-04:00

Wow, Home Depot. That's kind of neat.

Leave 'Em if Ya Got 'Em

2008-08-14T22:01:00.003-04:00

I'd like to thank everyone who's been reading. I'm averaging a whopping 6 page views a day, and I've gotten a lot of positive feedback from lots of people--thanks largely to my shameless Facebook self promotion. Some day I'll get better at general shameless self promotion and make a more concerted effort to publicize my blog, land a book deal and take over the world.

In the meantime, and my whole point, please leave comments. Either don't tell me in person or don't just tell me in person what you think. Remember, you can be anonymous online.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

2008-08-14T22:01:00.000-04:00

So, as I previously mentioned, last weekend I went to San Francisco. I was only there for three days, so we really had to jam it all in. I asked a lot of people for advice on where to go and everyone I asked said Golden Gate Park. But of course the only place I didn't go was Golden Gate Park. We ran out of time.

But I did go to lots of other places. On Thursday, Wes and I stumbled onto a great restaurant and had a big, indulgent dinner. (Tomatoes and watermelon are my new favorite thing. I had a great dish at Jaleo, made one myself and now the one at Conduit. Try it. Trust me.) Then on Friday we walked all over the damn place and ended up back in Mission (via Bart) to see Patton Oswalt
and to eat another delicious dinner.

We did all that walking because it's damn near impossible to get on a street car though my cheap ass didn't really want to pay $5 anyway (no exact change for the bus either). I'll never get over my broke college ways when it comes to transportation. There were some hills. Yes, we walked up that.

Saturday, we decided to kick it Bohinkas style. We rented some crappy bikes (crappy because of overuse and neglect, not because they were crappy to begin with). They were Marins, which was cool because we rode into Marin County.

Anyway, us, bikes, we rode across the Golden Gate Bridge, just like Full House (that's the second mention of that show on my blog--a worrisome statistic) and down into Sausalito a beautiful but super crowded little tourist trap. Next time I'll want to continue onto the Redwoods, but for Saturday we had to turn around and go back. But if you ever go, don't waste your time in Sausalito. There's nothing you'd want there, unless you like expensive but tacky "art" and overpriced restaurants with gorgeous views.
Luckily by the time we turned back, the fog had dissipated, so our ride back up the giant hill out of Sausalito was totally worth it. After that we rode through Crissy field and back to the wharf to return the bikes. I flew home at 12:30 that night.

Curse You, Olympics!

2008-08-12T23:02:00.003-04:00

I usually never watch the Olympics. But this year, I caught Olympics fever back in April when I went to Boston to see the women's marathon trials. But since I wrote a (terrible) blog for AAUW about it, I thought I should watch some. But now I can't stop.

Seriously, every night I get sucked in to the stupid thing and the running hasn't even started yet! I'm watching women's gymnastics now, but I SHOULD be sleeping. Or writing another Olympics blog for AAUW (but 10 hours is enough work for today). Or, frankly, showering. I had a track workout tonight. Olympics!